Yesterday I was on Twitter and my good friend @klainesavpm (Vicky) retweeted one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. It’s a parody of Season 6 of Glee, and if it only spent as much time introducing characters we’d never have time to care about, it could be a season of Glee.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I want to keep it forever, so I wrote to the author of the thread, @darrencurls (Valentina) and asked if I could post it on my blog. Below, with a few tiny edits to fix typos, is the full thread written by @darrencurls on August 7th.
Things about the season 7 of glee you should not forget: a thread
Klaine divorced and Blaine started dating Azimio. They met in a gym where Blaine was practicing boxing
Kurt moved to Russia, where he found love with Vladimir II, the son of the Russian President
Sue is the President of the US, and when she see that Klaine broke up, she contacts the Russian president, ready to start a war
The Russian president is not a fan of Vladimir II and Kurt, and starts to ship Klaine thanks to Sue, so they decide to get Klaine together
Blaine is this amazing songwriter that everybody loves, he’s so famous and he’s nominated for 5 Grammys (Spoilers: he wins all of them)
But Sue decides that the Grammy awards need to happen in Russia, for Klaine to be together again, so she does. And everyone goes to Russia
All of the New Directions and the Warblers (Nick and Jeff are married) go to Russia to support Blaine… And get Klaine back together too
Everyone hates Azimio, because well he was an asshole to all of them. But Blaine is blinded by his love for him
Grammy night is on, Kurt was an special guest because of Vlad. He is wearing a bowtie, and Blaine feels like dying, it’s his kryptonite
Blaine starts to wonder why Kurt and him divorced, he thinks it’s something about pancakes, but he’s not sure about that
Kurt gets a message from the president of Russia: “Go to the special room, you can only get there by the elevator next to the stage”
Blaine gets one too: “The nominees need to be in the special room, go to the elevator next to the stage, it’s the only way to get there”
Klaine meet each other in the elevator, it’s really awkward. The door’s closing when they both feel a dejavu, but the door is already locked
*Weird Scream mask appears on a screen in the wall* “Well Klaine, the story is repeating, you both know what to do to get out 😉 ;)”
Kurt screams “We are not making out in an elevator again” while Blaine looks kinda disappointed about this, but tries to hide it
“I would say to just kiss but I know I am better with my tongue than that Vladimir of yours so you’d probably forget about him” -Blaine
“Oh really? My tongue would make you forget your own name, let alone the Simio you’re dating” -Kurt says, getting closer to Blaine
“His name is a Azimio, not Simio” “Simio is Spanish for Ape and he looks like one” Blaine laughs, because it’s true, and he loves sassy Kurt
B puts Kurt against the wall, doing a sexy smirk “So let’s do a bet, who can make the other one forget their boyfriend first, wins, deal?”
Kurt smiles, he knows this is a mistake but Blaine’s lips are so close, and he’s biting his lower lip. He needs to kiss him, so he does
They don’t even know who forgot about their boyfriend first, but after they started to kiss, neither of them wanted to stop
The screen comes to life to show Sue saying “Klaine, keep it PG-13, the whole world is watching you kiss in the Grammys, go further later”
Blaine starts to laugh, while Kurt gets worried. Their boyfriends watched them kissing on the big screens, this is gonna be awkward
The host says “Blaine Anderson not only won 5 Grammys tonight, he also got the hottest kiss the TV has ever seen. Lucky guy he is”
Vladimir is offended, and he tells his dad “I want them expulsed from Russia, this is unacceptable”
But the president of Russia has different plans, he smiles to Sue and says “Son, don’t try to fight the Klaine Romance” THE END
Special thank to @lgbtdarren because she’s as deep in drugs as I am, so she helped me to write this mess
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Thanks for the story Valentina, and thanks for retweeting it where I could see it, Vicky! Glee fans, go follow @darrencurls and @klainesavpm on Twitter, and you can follow me, too @rachelferat.
For years, the Kid has maintained that she didn’t really like superheroes. She’d watch the occasional movie on opening weekend when it was important to her father, and she enjoyed those in a casual sort of way. But we could never get her to watch any at home.
So we had to get her into Supergirl through the back door. (AKA Glee.) For those who may not know (and I doubt there are any non-Glee fans left reading my blog at this point, but just in case), Supergirl star Melissa Benoist played Marley Rose on Glee seasons 4 and 5.
A little while ago, KPD heard that they are going to make a musical episode of Supergirl this year (actually a crossover with The Flash, whose Grant Gustin was also on Glee) and that, of course, made me very excited. Somehow, this got the Kid interested. I’m not sure why.
Grant Gustin as Sebastian Smythe. I have it on good authority that this guy smells like Craig’s List.
She is a fan of Marley, and Gustin’s Glee character Sebastian certainly caused me a lot of ajada as a foil to the Klaine romance, but I also think the Kid was enticed by the prospect of a female hero.
Whatever the reason, the Kid finally agreed to watch an episode, and now we’re all hooked. And then I found out that Jeremy Jordan, who was one of the stars of Smash season 2, plays Supergirl’s best friend, and now I’m REALLY looking forward to the musical episode.
There are so many lovely feminist points made on this episode. I love that it’s a story about a girl who’s been encouraged to hide her talents since she was 13 years old. (That age can’t be accidental.) I love that she has a female boss who’s also a mom. I love the frank talk about feminism. (Shouldn’t it be Superwoman? is a question that comes up a lot.) I love that Supergirl faces the same issues male superheroes face about getting close to people who may then become targets used against her. I love that she’s trying to live up to her cousin Superman and at the same time fighting the narrative that she needs to live up to Superman because she’s a woman. I love that all the women on the show struggle with the expectation that they care for others while they try to achieve their own goals, whether it’s Supergirl losing her role as Superman’s caregiver because she was lost in the Phantom Zone while he was growing up or Cat Grant seeking her mother’s approval while trying to balance being a mother and running a media empire. And I love that none of the men on the show bat an eye about being friends with a woman who can break them in half and will never, ever, need them to rescue her.
Supergirl is a show that I feel good about watching with my adolescent daughter. And when she goes to bed, I go back to my musicals.
Today a bunch of Klainers decided they would try to make “3 Years Of The Klaine Proposal” trend on Twitter. It was a ridiculous stunt, particularly given that tonight is the Presidential debate, which is important not just to real people like me and Chris Colfer and Darren Criss, but I suspect also to Kurt and Blaine, if they existed. After all, both Kurt and Blaine talk about politics quite a lot. They each mention the importance of Marriage Equality more than once, and Blaine says of the proposal itself that he wants it to be a symbol of the changing political times.
So these guys, of all people, would be watching the current election very closely. Trump has said he’ll make gay marriage illegal again. I doubt that he could do it, but that’s what he said. So Klaine, like Colfer and Criss, would be adamantly anti-Trump. And given the importance of the Supreme Court and the influence the next President will have over its composition, I expect that Klaine, like Colfer and Criss, would be out there advocating for Clinton, who has said she’ll fight for the rights of all people. (Sadly, in the Glee universe, Jeb Bush wins this election, with Sue Sylvester as his running mate. Not good for the Supreme Court, but maybe Sue is able to change some Republican minds about marriage equality given her pro-gay stance.)
But watching my Twitter feed fill up with glorious, colorful pictures of happy Klaine was lots of fun, and a wonderful distraction from all the articles predicting what may or may not happen at the debate. I was very impressed by the amount of work people were willing to put into a silly, fun project like that, and it’s always cool to see people from around the world united to make something happen.
And despite the fact that, as the Kid pointed out while I was watching the proposal in honor of the occasion, Klaine broke up before they got married, it’s a happy occasion to celebrate. Celebration is always a good thing, so I endorse it.
It was recently announced that Allegiance will be shown in cinemas. I got very excited and looked at my archives to find the post I had written when we saw Allegiance in December, so I could tweet it out. And I found no such post. So I’m trying to write about it now.
Allegiance is the only Broadway show I ever dragged the Kid to. She’s seen others, of course, but this one was different. She had no desire of her own to see it, but I felt it was important and necessary.
It’s a beautiful piece based on the real experiences of George Takei, who was imprisoned with his family in a Japanese Internment Camp as a child. The story is not about him, but about young adults facing romance, military service, and the realities of being second-class citizens during war time. George Takei kept a seat open at every show in the hopes that Donald Trump would come to see it to understand the impact of racist rhetoric. Trump never showed up.
But we did, and I was moved. The show is uneven–the choreography isn’t great and the songs are inconsistent. But Takei and Lea Salonga are tremendous, and there are some really great numbers that are worth your time.
On the way out of the theater, I overheard a young woman saying that she had never learned about Japanese internment when she was in high school. For many people, Allegiance is the first and only exposure people get to this dark time in American history. For others, it’s a way in to the emotional side of a historical event. Art makes you see events through someone else’s eyes, and seeing this one through Takei’s eyes brought me a perspective I’d never had before.
I don’t know what impact, if any, it had on the Kid. She was in her anti-Broadway phase at the time and didn’t want to talk about it. But at least she’ll never say she had no idea that Japanese people were interned in the US during WWII.
I’m really excited that more and more Broadway shows are being shown on movie screens. It’s not the same as live theater, but it’s a chance to see something at an affordable price and in a lot more places. It’s also preserving these performances for the future, which is a great thing for our culture as a whole.
I started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend tonight. I only got through the first episode, but it’s worth it just for the last minute and a half. I’ll definitely give it a few more chances.
With the family, we started Galavant Season 2. It’s so much better than Season 1, I can’t even. No more repetitive music, no more pining for the evil queen, and Roberta is terrific. I heard they’re trying to make more of this somehow, and I hope they do.
And since the election isn’t here yet (make sure you’re registered to vote, American friends over the age of 18) I decided to watch Glee again, this time only the Burt Hummel episodes. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stick to that once I get into Season 2, but that’s my plan. I do love Burt Hummel. And of course, any episode with Burt prominently features Kurt, which is never a bad thing.
This episode is all about the head tilt. And Burt. And Beyonce. But mostly the head tilt.
Recently we discovered that Timothy Omundsun is in a musical show about knights called Galavant. We just finished watching the first season on Netflix, and it is so much fun.
Singing knights being ridiculous? Right up our alley. And the cast is amazing. More guest stars than you can possibly guess, each one better than the one before.
Yesterday we made our annual pilgrimage to the New York Renaissance Faire. This has been a familyfavoritesincewe first went, back when the Kid was about 5 and I had a former student (a former acting student, thankyouverymuch) who was playing one of Robin Hood’s band. (He went on to play Robin Hood in future years.)
Well, this year, KPD has a former student who is playing a musician/Eros.
See all the gold? That means he’s Eros.
We had a great day. It’s become a tradition for us to go, which means we know where all the privies are and all our favorite foods, and we’ve seen most of the shows, so we can go see our favorites and we know which ones to skip and go shopping instead. We got some Christmas gifts taken care of, and found a really cool fairy house down by Robin Hood’s Bridge.
And as the different nerd worlds love to crisscross, they now sell butterbeer, which is one of the Kid’s favorite treats, partly because she’s a Potterhead and partly because it’s delicious.
That’s Merlin’s Butter Beer, which is not trademarked.
We love so many things at the Faire, but one of them is horses. I always try to get horse glamor shots. This was the most glamorous one I got this year.
Every time I think about the one episode of Glee written by Chris Colfer, it gets me wondering. The episode is called “Old Dog, New Tricks,” and it was the second to last episode in Season 5. I like it a lot, though I like most of the New York-focused episodes that nearly killed (or probably actually killed) the series, so it’s not saying much. And unsurprisingly it has a strong focus on Kurt, which is something most of my favorite episodes also have in common.
But the thing I wonder is: Why did Chris Colfer, who was born in 1990, write an episode that could have been a dream I had in 4th grade (in 1984?)
Just picture 4th grade me telling you about her dream:
I was Peter Pan but I was singing Madonna but first I had to audition so I sang “Memories” from Cats and Lando Calrissian was there and also Tim Conway. Oh, and there were puppies.
Seriously, people: Peter Pan (particularly the musical, which was the first Broadway show I saw) was a constant childhood obsession of mine, I loved Star Wars and The Carole Burnett Show (and Madonna, that goes without saying: I was a girl in the 80’s) and anyone who sang was singing “Memories.” We sang it in chorus in fourth grade. And if you don’t know about me and dogs, you haven’t been reading this blog.
It’s like Chris Colfer channeled 4th grade me for some reason.
I thought I had written this already, but it’s not on my blog, so clearly I didn’t. More faux fan-fiction for you!!!
The scene is from “Love, Love, Love” (Season 5, episode 1). Kurt and Blaine are having a wildly overdone picnic in the courtyard. I mean, sure, they’re gay, but how much free time does Blaine HAVE for preparing picnics?
It’s totally frustrating as written because they don’t actually deal with anything. So here’s my version:
Blaine: Are you excited to go back to school?
Kurt: Yeah, and Fashion Week is coming up soon.
Blaine: Okay, what’s the story with this New York guy?
Kurt: There’s no story. I mean, everything was fine until I started crying in the middle of Moulin Rouge.
Blaine: “Come What May?”
Kurt: “Come What May.”
Blaine: I haven’t even been able to watch that movie since we broke up.
Kurt: Well, it turns out guys don’t like it when you go home for a wedding, hook up with your ex, and then cry about him in the middle of a movie.
Blaine: Really?
Kurt: Don’t even start. The last time we were together and I was in New York and you were here, you cheated on me. Unacceptable!
Blaine: No, I didn’t.
Kurt: Excuse me?
Blaine: I mean, I did. Of course I did. But I wasn’t trying to get away with anything. I thought you were done with me. I thought I was out of your life. And I was trying to move on. “Cheating” isn’t the right word, somehow.
Kurt: Is that supposed to make it better?
Blaine: I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m trying to talk about what happened, Kurt. Because touching other guys isn’t the problem. I haven’t touched another guy all year, Kurt, and I haven’t wanted to, really. Well, except I had a crush on Sam for a while.
Kurt: You had a crush on Sam? I had such a crush on him when he came here. Half-convinced myself he was gay, too. Those lips!
Blaine: I know, right? But we need to talk about this, Kurt. The problem isn’t being with other guys: I want to be with you. But I gave up on us, and there are a lot of ways we can do that, and I don’t ever, ever want that to happen to us again.
Kurt: Okay.
Blaine: Didn’t you ever wonder why I showed up in New York that weekend?
Kurt: No, I just figured you were feeling guilty about what you did.
Blaine: Think about it. I thought you were ghosting me. I thought you were moving on and I should move on, too, so I hooked up with another guy. And the next day, I showed up at your apartment with flowers.
Kurt: So…why?
Blaine: Because I had this crazy idea that I wasn’t really in love with you. That the odds of me falling in real, forever love with the first guy I dated were ridiculous. That I’d been fooling myself the whole time, and if I hooked up with someone else I’d see that it was just the sex, or something. But then I did. And it was awful.
Kurt: So you want to get back together because Eli C. is bad in bed?
Blaine: No, I don’t mean that kind of awful. It was awful because it wasn’t you. Because I didn’t want to move on. Because being with you and missing you all the time was so much better than hooking up with some guy who wasn’t you. Having you furious with me because I broke your trust was better than being with some guy who wasn’t you. And I had to do whatever it took to make sure I’d be with you forever.
And for, like, a minute, I thought I could just forget it ever happened and fix things with you and you’d never have to know. Nobody would ever know. But then I saw your face, and I saw how you were setting everything up in New York for the two of us, and you weren’t moving on, not from me, and I knew I couldn’t lie to you. And that broke my heart, because I was afraid I had ruined everything, forever, and I didn’t know if I could fix it. But I knew the only way through it was to tell you the truth.
So I can promise you I’ll never cheat on you again, and I am promising that. But more importantly, I promise you I won’t give up on us. If I’m unhappy, I’ll talk to you. Even if that means making an appointment to talk to you on the phone at midnight when you get home from Vogue.com. Even if it means getting on a plane. Whatever it takes. I won’t let you down again. Just please, say we can be boyfriends again.
Kurt: Well how’m I supposed to stay mad at you after that?
Blaine: Does that mean…?
Kurt: I can’t believe we’re going to do this again.
Blaine: I was hoping you’d say that. In fact, I was sort of counting on it, so I put something together to try and convince you to stay a little while longer.
Kurt: Oh, no. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you sing anymore.
Blaine: Okay.
Kurt: Which is why I prepared something.
[Got to Get You Into My Life]
And if they’d had THAT conversation, maybe they wouldn’t have broken up in Season 6. Over towels. Towels! We’re supposed to believe they broke up over friggin’ towels.