Overwhelming question I can’t shake about Glee:

Where the hell are Blaine’s parents?!?! Well, here are some things I’ve learned about parenting from Pam and Mr. Anderson.

  1. One school is very like another. Public school, prep school, another public school in a different town? It doesn’t really matter. Let your teenager choose.
  2. There is no need to be aware of or attend your son’s glee club performances.
  3. It’s appropriate for two out gay boys to attend a Sadie Hawkins dance together unsupervised in 8th grade in 2009. Nothing bad will happen.* **
  4. Your son is going to the prom at his boyfriend’s school. This is not the time to meet the boyfriend’s parents.
  5. Your son just left the prestigious prep school he’s been attending to go to public school with his boyfriend. This is not the same public school he attended prior to prep school. He will not need your help registering for school. This is not a good time to meet the boyfriend’s parents.
  6. Your son is starring in the school musical. Don’t bother going to see it. After all, you probably can’t afford to go after he spent all that money bringing every friend from his prep school.
  7. His boyfriend is also in the play, but this is still not the right time for you to meet his parents.
  8. Let your son hang out in his bedroom with his boyfriend with the door closed. That’s how they’ll know your house is the best place to have sex, even when the boyfriend’s parents are out of town.
  9. Your son drives the family Subaru to pick up his boyfriend for a date, but comes home walking. Suspect nothing.
  10. Of course your son can fly to New York on short notice to visit his boyfriend who lives in Bushwick and doesn’t have a paying job!
  11. Of course your son can fly to New York on short notice to visit his ex-boyfriend who until recently wasn’t speaking to him, causing him to be in a deep depression for the entire fall. You didn’t have any Christmas plans anyway.
  12. Your son is sick. Don’t worry: Tina will take care of him.
  13. A hotel room at his teacher’s local wedding? Makes total sense. Also, buy him a Prius. The Subaru was getting old.
  14. Your credit rating is ruined by a teacher at your son’s school as part of a coordinated pattern of harassment. Suck it up. There’s nothing you can do about it, after all.
  15. Your son has planned an elaborate proposal. Don’t show up: you might accidentally meet his fiance’s parents. Er…parent. Kurt’s stepmom (and stepbrother) also won’t show up.
  16. In fact, at no point during your son’s year-and-a-half long engagement should you introduce yourselves to the fiance’s parents. Why would you be interested in meeting them?
  17. Your son’s good friend/glee club coach/future brother-in-law dies suddenly at the age of 19 or 20. Do nothing. Definitely do not in any way reach out to the family.
  18. If your son is nervous about his college audition, send him to stay with his fiance for a week or so, totally unsupervised. Nobody will care that he’s missing school, and I’m sure a couple of college students live in a perfectly safe neighborhood and always lock the door.
  19. A piano is an appropriate hostess gift.
  20. Your son graduates high school. Don’t show up. After all, he’s got his fiance.
  21. Your son moves in with his fiance immediately after graduation. Still not the right time to visit or to meet the fiance’s parents. Also, don’t ask any questions: at eighteen and nineteen they’ve surely thought this through carefully.
  22. Your son’s fiance has been gay-bashed within blocks of their apartment. Stay out of it completely. You are not needed.
  23. Huge showcase thrown for your son’s career advancement by a New York Socialite? Why start showing up now?
  24. Your son has been dumped by his fiance and failed out of school. Don’t get involved, he’ll probably find a job at his old prep school and an ex-bully to shack up with.
  25. Some girls your son went to school with are getting married in Indiana. Now is the time! You must attend. You can introduce yourself to Kurt’s parents! I mean, if one of you can’t come, it’s cool. After all, what are the chances you were only invited because it’s a surprise wedding for your son? Just in case, prepare a song.

Blaine Devon Anderson and his mother, Pamela, on the occasion of his wedding to Kurt Hummel. Not pictured (ever) Blaine’s father, Mr. Anderson.

*Tracing back from the 6th season episode “2009,” if Blaine was already at Dalton in the first week of New Directions, the Sadie Hawkins dance must have happened in the previous school year, when Blaine was in eighth grade. However, I strongly suspect that Blaine was originally intended to be older than Kurt, so when he talked about the Sadie Hawkins dance, it probably was intended to be his sophomore or even junior year of high school. But still.

**I’m totally cool with two boys going to a dance together, but if they’re that young and vulnerable, an adult should be keeping an eye on them to make sure they’re safe.