Thanks to the Kid, this song has been running through my head constantly for the past week or so:

And I’m getting really angry about it.

What kind of anti-intellectual propaganda is this? Let’s analyze some of the lyrics, shall we? The full lyrics are here. I’m just going to pull the ones that seem relevant.

It’s raining tacos/no need to ask why

Oh, no. You wouldn’t want to ask why. You have to be careful with your inquisitiveness. Otherwise you might, I don’t know, solve world hunger or something. Or perhaps find out that the unexplained tacos serve a nefarious purpose–distracting the populace from an evil plot, perhaps–or that they’re not actually tacos. Or maybe they’re toxic tacos. It seems to me that when prepared foods start falling from the clouds, it’s the perfect time to ask why. And what I really want to know is why is the song writer discouraging inquiry? What’s his agenda here? Why is he teaching my child to blindly accept falling Tex-Mex?

Just open your mouth and close your eyes

I have an older brother, and I can tell you that no good has ever come from this. Oh sure, you’re promised a big surprise, but I’m here to tell you that you’re not going to like it. And again, this seems like the worst thing to do in the face of prepared food precipitation. If hot meat and cheese is falling on me, at the very least, I want to see it coming. Which reminds me: where is the advice to run and hide? I mean, stained clothing aside, if these tacos are hot, someone could get hurt! Did this guy even think about the liability issues? If it ever does start raining tacos, he’s going to get sued by the parents of all the kids who run out to catch them, tripping and falling because they’ve closed their eyes and can’t see where they’re going.

But then we find out what this guy is really made of.

Tacos/All you can eat/Lettuce and shells, cheese and meat/It’s raining tacos

No, no it’s not. It’s raining taco ingredients. And you, sir, are a liar. As the robot in the video finds out, it’s not easy to actually catch a taco. One can easily end up with “Shell, meat, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese.” And while five times the cheese sounds about right to me, it’s clearly not what the robot was bargaining for.

Someone out there is trying to corrupt our children. To teach them not to question. To encourage risky behavior in the face of falling food. And to elide definitions. It must be stopped.

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